Friendship is for... giving

Martyn Payne

Bible link: Matthew 18:21-35

On Your Marks:

General introduction to the theme:

When God made people, one way they were like God was the ability to offer and receive the gift of friendship. However, following the choice to betray that trust in their friendship with God, this gift became easily broken. People often chose to hate others, turning friends into enemies. God never stopped longing for friendship with and between all. Finally, when God stepped into this world as Jesus, everyone could see the forever friendship that God offered. It was a friendship that was greater than the power of revenge, hatred and death and this was made available to anyone when Jesus rose from the dead. Again and again God showed through the stories in the Bible how hatred can be turned into love and enemies can become friends. This is the good news that we as Christians can pass on to a broken world.

Introduction to the story:

The encouragement to be at peace with everyone—to be friends not enemies—is all very worthy, but what about the real world where people hurt others again and again? Some enemies just don’t seem to want to become friends!
This is at the heart of the very practical question that Peter puts to Jesus before today’s story. Aren’t some people and some situations simply unforgivable? Jesus tackles this important question by telling a story. It is a story about what it is like in God’s scheme of things—God’s kingdom—into which we are called. The truth is we are all like the servant who owed millions. There are so many reasons why we are in no position to be ‘friends of the king’; but God’s mercy makes forgiveness possible. The servant is forgiven but then this forgiveness should be passed on. Peter and the others who heard the story for the first time would have reacted with anger at the way the pardoned servant treated those who were dependent on him. It’s obvious that those who receive mercy should pass it on; and so Peter has his answer!

Because of God’s love poured out to us in Jesus, we are forgiven and, as we are reminded in the Lord’s Prayer, this means we ought to forgive others. In this way enemies can become friends.
The following idea explores the parable with some practical suggestions as to how to earth it in the children’s experience.

Get Set:

Use the retelling of this story from The Barnabas Children’s Bible, story 286, 'Seventy times seven', 253.

Go!

1. Introduce the topic of forgiveness and its relationship to turning enemies into friends by making or adapting a die. Print off some labels to stick on to the different sides with the following phrases:

I find it hard to forgive others when…
I find it hard to forgive others because…
I find… unforgivable.
I would forgive others but…
I can only forgive others if…
True forgiveness means…

Ask the children in turn to throw the die and then to complete the sentence on the face that is uppermost. This should get some discussion going.

2. Make the parable very visible by piling up lots of coins of different denominations on one side of a table—include some notes if you dare!—and a comparable but much smaller pile of just a few pence on the other side. Imagine the reactions to being let off from one or the other of these different amounts by a bank or credit company. Explore how the group might feel about this and what they might say and what responses it might bring. Link this into the story from the Bible about the unforgiving servant and help the children to unravel its meaning for themselves. Perhaps some of the following questions might help the discussion:

I wonder why the king let off the man with the big debt?
I wonder how the forgiven man felt?
I wonder how the members of his family felt?
I wonder why he then went away and behaved so differently towards others?
I wonder what the others in the story thought of him?
I wonder what Jesus means by his comment that the servant didn’t know what it means to be able ‘to forgive from his heart’ (Matthew 18:35)?

3. As a group, try and put together costings on a bill for some of the things that we enjoy each day but which have no ‘market value’, such as: the air we breathe; our friendships and family; good health; beautiful scenery; wonderful parks and gardens to visit; new sights and sounds to enjoy.
Draw up an imaginary price list for all this and then in bold letters across the whole list write no charge, love God.
Seeing it like this, what consequences might it have for our relationship with God and those around us?

4. Read the Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6:9-15. Why do you think that Jesus feels he has to add further comment on the section about forgiving others? For further ideas on this section of the Lord’s Prayer, including more stories, craft, drama and prayer suggestions, see the appropriate chapter of The Lord’s Prayer Unplugged.

5. There are some craft ideas based on the senses for this parable in Step into the Story and there is a modern-day version of the parable, exploring the theme of fairness in particular, in Stories to Teach about God.

6. Unwillingness to forgive creates barriers between people, which grow harder and harder to break down the longer the situation is allowed to continue. Read what Jesus had to say about this in Matthew 5:25-26.
Back in the Genesis story, following the murder of Abel by Cain, the breakdown in friendship led to a 77-fold revenge (Genesis 4:24). Jesus turns this whole idea upside down with his words to Peter by speaking of a 77-fold forgiveness (Matthew 18:22). Discuss with the group whether they think that this is really practical/possible.

Now look at Matthew 5:43-44, where we’re told we should forgive even our enemies. How can we ever hope to do this ‘impossible thing’?

7. Friendship is for giving… but it doesn’t come quickly. It’s like building a paper chain between objects, link by link Every time we forgive, we strengthen the possibility of a link-up. In a time of prayer create some forgiveness paper chains between some symbols or words for those things that build barriers between people such as: distrust, angry words, fear, ignorance, and unfairness.

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